purplesnake

Why stay?

Why stay?
So steadfast and stolid
and stoic and solid
for day after every day

Why stay?

Why stay?
Why not simply give in
and get on with living
cause everyone knows you tried
but somehow, something died
on the way.
So tell me why you stay.

Why stay?

Why stay?
Enduring and coping
and hurting and hoping
for day after fucking
day

Why stay?

Why stay?
Why not simply end it?
We'd all comprehend it
and most of the world would say
"He's better off that way,
to be free,

and maybe so is she.

-------------

A promise a boy says forever.
A boy says whatever may come will come through
and who can know how;
when all I know now to be true,
is this promise that I made to you.

A question a boy wonders whether
that you'd stay
together the way
that they stay,
for year after year
for love or from fear.
Either way,
that's the promise that I made that day.

Here's what I say to the girl who was burning so brightly
like the light from Orion above.
And still I will search for her nightly,
if you see her please send her my love.
And the boy was a boy for all seasons!
That boy is long lost to me now
and the man has forgotten his reasons...

But the man still remembers his vow.

A promise a man says forever.
A man says I'll never regret or let you.
The promise I made to stay and I stay true.

Knowing one day we'd remember that joy,
you'd remember that girl,
I'd remember that boy.
Till we do,
the promise I made?
I'll make it brand new,
the promise that I made to you.

purplesnake

before i go off to watch the greys finale, i would just like to comment on the awesome-ness that is star trek. or maybe just the trio of jj, roberto orci and alex kurtzman. thanks for this, alias and fringe.

anton yelchin is one of the most adorable things. i will never forget that he is half-alien and is the son of john lol.

i'm getting frustrated with some people. getting them together is like pulling teeth or some other idiom. needle in a haystack, a drop in the ocean. barking up the wrong tree.

AND LOST. suspension of disbelief and snarkiness was needed but as as soon as juliet was wanting to not die, it was worth it. i still had to imagine sawyer out of the scene but from that point until the white flash, i was in it. juliet is love. LOVE. can't wait for the final season.

purplesnake

oi greys spoilers for the season

starting with derek's proposal, i have been crying on every ep. mostly during the last few scenes. izzie's wedding takes the cake (and eats it too!!!) on the most surprising cry-y moment. i've hated izzie for most of her life and i've been wanting her to die since she started having ghost sex but for some reason, i was teary-eyed while she was walking down the aisle. and when she almost fell, i cry-yelled GEORGE! and george got up and walked her and i cried some more. in other news, ellen pompeo is huge.

i don't know if i just forgot but i realised last week that as the season finales come, the closer i get to the end of my vacation. we all know how much i loved my project but now... i have no will, at all, to return. it's like it used to be this huge ass roast chicken that i loved and ate and then i went away for a while and now when i get back all i have are the bones. and no one wants to eat that. you have to boil that in low heat for a very long time before you get acceptable clear broth. and it is a damn long time, which i think i have no patience for. oh and innards. like the heart and the liver and the um other things

so i practically achieved nothing during my vacay. i made lots of plans and they all turned to shit as i procratinated and now i only have two weeks and wtf and omg is jeremy davies really 40?

i would also like to take this moment to say sorry for what i think was a very hurtful thing i said last night. i really am. i would like to take it back but i can't un-say it.
he's your mcdreamy.

purplesnake

i remember a couple of years back seeing that Civil War cover, The Death of Captain America. i was oddly struck by it. i wasn't an avengers fan or anything. if, at all, anything, my marvel knowledge was confined to scott summers.

i started reading these "graphic novels" after i finished a couple of neil's works. anansi boys drove me to sandman. finishing that led me to the watchmen and eventually to fables. discovering that this format could be worth the read was incredible to me. this was a childhood past time, not a hobby. but the majesty of dream's procession, ozymandias and the tragedy of the frog prince, led me to conclusion that this wasn't just for a bunch of nerds. it was for anyone who had a heart.

going back to my roots, i went for everyting remotely connected to scott. but i knew i had to go back to Civil War. i don't know why, but it meant something to me. probably because, with the exception of prue halliwell, no one in my fictional universe has ever really died. two-three years later, after various various infinity sagas and lusting for norrin radd (and tearing up at his death), i've finally finished Civil War.

my sister knows how i've struggled with this collection. i started reading it more than a year ago. each issue brought up someting in me. a growing love for peter, some form of understanding with tony and a respect for steve. and if i hadn't sounded fan-girl-y enough, extreme lust and a renewed sense of allegiance to scott. which is just weird. each full page panel would make me stop. because almost all of those panels had the heroes fighting. doing something terrible to each other.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

that is what i hear every time those god forsaken writers quote from something or someone in our universe, be it an entire paragraph from churchill or some anecdote about the nazis or even bonnie walker black label. it just seems so off and so... i don't understand why a writer would dedicate 2 pages worth of panels to a verbatim recollection of mark twain's words. i never ever, scratch that, i despise, no, i loathe to an extreme extent when dialogues are prefaced with, as so-and-so said. i'm like, one, you think i'm dumb that i don't know some guy's famous words; two, if you don't want to be accused of plagiarism, fucking paraphrase. my point is, it's not the words that make up the sentiment. if you've properly drawn your parallels, you don't have to draw the perpendiculars to prove that the angles are right. and then there are these stupid meta stuff like sally floyd's talking down to the cap. as if, bitch.

that makes me want to go into this rant about the registration and how sally floyd's points were all stupid and silly and selfish and one-sided but i won't go into it. cuz it never should've happened. cuz this is my biggest problem with these "graphic novels". they make it out like it's this huge ass fucking thing that will change the fucking universe and then at the end, they cop out. they set us up with things come from beyond the universe and they give us fucking insects with an ending of... a failsafe? how the fuck can you invest over and over again in stories like that when it could just end with a oh-but-this-character-can-do-this-out-of-the-fucking-blue? when one can just say CAP QUIT.

WTF

(that's why ozy rocks ten ways from sunday)

then they kill Cap.

and being a wuss, i cried. it was peter, more than anyone. and hawkeye, too. it wasn't a huge cry. but there were tears.

same cry i did when derek finally proposed! omg i love patrick dempsey so much. also, cristina could not sleep. i teared up a bit for that too.

so that's it. i'm just taking a breather and then i'm starting with House of M. TA-DAH. yes, i'm reading them out of order. how stupid am i.

purplesnake

you know what i don't miss? local celeb gossip.

one of the things that made me go to rehab was what i considered the lowest point in my online life. creating a thread about a group of privileged nobodies is just scraping the barrel. no, actually, not a barrel, more of a latrene or some sort of shit pail. now, while i do still read cecilia's blog, i don't get too affected (i think). also, i still wish death upon her and all that shit but only when i read her words, i.e.,
not during my "me" time. and that is good.

so i'm on leave for the next many days, which is also good. i have yet to stop checking my work email every single fucking day but i'm gonna get there. also, i checked JIRA today and that is pretty bad.
so i'm keeping away from that.

my applications for the short-term jobs are still unanswered. maybe they think i'm kidding. maybe i am. idk. also, i tried starting with the certification studies but who am i kidding. i do want to achieve something this summer. i really do. things just aren't falling into place.

so i'm catching up on my marvel. which i am still reading out of order lol. civil war, first, then house of M.

i've finished dead like me. i love callum blue. love love love. i'm just waiting for this weekend to finish BSG. i haven't seen part 1 of the finale cuz i wanna see it whole so there. law and order: uk is boring as fuck. lost is wonderful. 30 rock is mostly phenomenal. and... idk what else. oh! gossip girl is also in the latrene. housewives is getting boring again mostly because i hate the main arc. house is ok. fringe looks dead. greys is depressing but too stretched out. kill izzie already. the office is kinda getting old. they need to shake things up again.

i'm gonna try to say more stuff here cuz i'm on vacay but for now i think i'm off to make soup

purplesnake

OMG WTF penny gave birth in the philippines! also, lol efren salonga.

fringe has gone to shit. giant viruses and murderous computer viruses? jj wtf. wtf.

OMG i love you daniel faraday! OMG i love you richard alpert! but no foxy? i suppose they were shooting speed racer hehe.

omg ilu danny

purplesnake

the top thing i remember from sex and the city is that episode when charlotte turns 40. they go to atlantic city and samantha lets charlotte know that there are 2 kinds of pearl necklaces. there is also a pearl thong involved. what i'm trying to get to is this scene where miranda backs out because steve couldn't take care of brady. she'd decided to stay and carrie kept convincing her to not do that. so magda offers to take care of brady. miranda hesitates but carrie says miranda, just throw money at the problem and let's go.

i also remember carrie's birthday where she drops her cake on fresh-laid asphalt.

so, uh, last year was a really bad year for me. i mean, aside from the brief shining 3 months +/- 4 weeks i had in heaven, it was just horrible. i made some horrible choices and had this massive EPIC FAIL sign across my forehead. i had to quit things that helped me get through each day because i realised they were either keeping me level or dragging me further down. and come to think of it, even those good three months were splattered with massively incorrect decisions as well.

but i suppose one can say that it was also a good year. i mean, i did decide not to circle down the drain. i swam against the fucking apparently non-existent coriolis. i'm in the same place but at least i'm not just going with it.

my point is, carrie's words were my mantra last year. and on that day. that 5-plane day. on that last plane? the only satc ep available was THAT episode. looking back, i realise that i should have taken that as a warning instead of reaffirming my commitment to that statement because now? now, i am broke as.

i mean, seeing my invoices, i knew it would come one day. i just thought i'd be... idk, better? but i'm not yet in that state and this hits me in my face. it's one thing after the other and i know it's my fault but damn.

and now i'm blogging everyday which just goes to show how bad a place i really am in.

in slightly better news, In The Heights is effin good! i mean, of course i haven't seen it but hey! the songs are really good. it's bit depressing between Nina's exclamations in Breathe and Vanessa's last line in Champagne, which really, really, really, REALLY gets to me in some fantastically absurd way. i mean, it crushes my heart every time i hear those lines that i have to close my eyes to lessen the OMG THIS IS JUST SAD. STOP BUYING THINGS ALREADY!!!!

purplesnake

it was a bumpy ride getting there. and i found myself wanting to strangle teri hatcher and eva langoria most of the time but housewives just hit their 100th ep.

i don't know if "but" is the correct transitional preposition to use there but whatever.

i'm marking this down cuz it hasn't been a good season for housewives. or maybe even two. but this ep? LOVE. i hadn't realised it was the 100th until somewhere in the later half. i had been wondering why they were doing this standalone ep in the middle of an arc but then it hit me. 513. lol compared to charmed's 100th, this is not just pure gold. the charmed 100th would be the primordial soup from which this goddess of an episode rose from. i'm not saying housewives>charmed. the rest of the housewives season is also soup.

anyway, it was that good. it has been AWHILE since i cried and this was a good one. bawling the entire time of Mary Alice's flashback.

off to see LOST now. hope it doesn't disappoint.

purplesnake

there's this scene in Bride Wars when Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are about to enter their respective weddings. they look at each other and shrug. and i almost cry. tears welled up. really.

it's two bestfriends acknowledging that they're moving on. it's also both of them saying that they're sorry for whatever happened but there's no going back now. they've both crossed THAT line and there's just no way to fix it now. the end of an era. the possibility that once they enter those doors, they're out of each other's lives. no love, no hate, just indifference.

it's like there's this wall, right, you're both making then you fight over what color you're painting it. so you dab a bit of pink there and they dab a bit of green there and soon you're splashing cans on each other then someone takes a sledgehammer and just smashes it down. then you both realize you just ruined a perfectly good wall. and there's nothing you can do about it. and you just both get up and walk away.

it is, for me, one of the saddest moments ever. it's glinda singing thank goodness. it's amsterdam for meredith and sadie. and sometimes, you don't even get that sledgehammer moment, it's just done.

i love tony almeida. i want to watch all the past seasons again just to see carlos bernard and reiko aylesworth do the dance. and OMG ellen tigh?!?!?! can't wait. haven't seen lost yet. looks like a good year. also, i kinda like the new Doctor, not sure yet.

i've replaced ONTD and trash/garbage/fatties with Engadget and Facebook.

i've been given more tasks at work. it's like i own the project already. but it's still a no-go on the promotion so fuck you, really.

also, kyle's voice is teh sex. everything else? not so much.